Caregiver Stress Related to Abuse

We might have a hard time believing this – studies say that 50 percent of family caregivers demonstrate abusive behavior towards the family member with dementia that they are caring for. In the past, abuse has been seen as a problem for caregivers being paid to provide care. Research and culture change has focused primarily on those who receive compensation for their time with someone with dementia. Often the assumption has been that those with dementia are safer with their families than in long term care settings.

The research finds that 50 percent of all caregivers admit to occasionally screaming or yelling at their loved ones, while 33 percent admit to frequent insulting or cursing at the loved one in their care. 1.4 percent admits to physical abuse.

Although abuse should never be tolerated, it is easy to see how caregivers can feel pushed into a corner and make such a critical mistake. The stress of providing care 24/7 can be overwhelming. Often the care of the person with dementia will fall onto just one caregiver, even in a big family.

The stress of being with a person who isn’t able to remember current events, becomes paranoid or agetated, or isn’t able to provide care for himself can be more overwhelming than caring for a small infant.

Check daily to ensure that the caregivers in your family are not feeling stressed out or in a dangerous situation. Watch for signs such as anger, anxiety, social withdrawal, depression, exhaustion, sleeplessness, and irritability. These are all warning signs that more help is needed.

Here are a few tips to remember:

1. Schedule one day off a week. Ask for help from family, friends, adult daycare centers, or companion services.  Participate in activities that are not related to caregiving.
2. Be an informed caregiver.  Attend educational seminars or other events that provide education about dementia and teach how to make the days more enjoyable
3. Don’t be a Supermom or Super-daughter.  It’s okay to ask for help. Visit your doctor regularly as well as having your loved one visit his/her doctor regularly.
4. Take credit, not guilt, for all of the good work you are doing!

If you are feeling stressed or burnt out because of caregiver stress, please let us know.  We’re your local experts. Contact us and let us know what would give you a little relief.

Two Things Families Need to Know

Families dealing with Alzheimer’s need to understand two things. The first is that Alzheimer’s disease demands behavior changes of everyone living with the disease – everyone except the person that has it. The second is that everyone lives with Alzheimer’s disease in his or her own way.

The biggest problem families encounter is that they don’t accept these two things. They try to fight, deny, and ignore the changes that they know are necessary, and they trap themselves in a battle they can’t win this way by expecting the person with Alzheimer’s to change. It’s not going to happen!

The greatest thing you can learn as a family is that you must begin with education about the person who has the disease – like what upsets them, makes them happy for the moment, or what agitates them. Keeping a daily journal and noting the things you learn about the person who has the disease is a great place to start…start learning, that is!

No Need For Guilt

If you’re a caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s, you probably consider yourself a professional at feeling guilty. When caregiving becomes a part of life, many times a day you might sink into blameful thoughts like, “I should be with my family member more, do more things for them, help them more.” Caregivers care so much that they assume they are responsible for how everything turns out. You’re not! You can’t control the illness, or how the medication works, or how the medical system works, or how anyone else around you thinks, feels, or acts. You can only be responsible for our own thoughts and actions.

Your desires to have things turn out differently, be different, or even to control everything, have to be set aside when caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease. The guilt you take on when things don’t go the way you’d like will wear you out! Most of the time, it’s the way we talk to ourselves that actually makes us feel guilty. You can determine how you talk yourself into guilt feelings by taking a deeper look into your thoughts. Thoughts which produce guilt result in statements about your personal.

Attacking your character instead of your actions is what makes you feel guilty. To end this negative cycle, find a new way to say things to yourself. Rid your mind of self-condemning statements. Remind yourself of your intent to make the days and nights go better – for the whole family. See yourself as an “assistant” to your loved one. This will help you remember that you are helping them help themselves; this will be better for them and you.

From time to time, your parent who has dementia might be sharp or demanding with their words. Try not to take these sharp words personally. It’s not what’s in your parent’s heart – it’s really just a symptom of the disease. Realize your parent is frustrated, redirect him to a more interesting activity (one you know he enjoys), and give yourself a break. Sometimes a little time and distance provides relief for the whole family. Leave the guilt behind, and live each day one meaningful moment at a time.