No Need For Guilt

If you’re a caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s, you probably consider yourself a professional at feeling guilty. When caregiving becomes a part of life, many times a day you might sink into blameful thoughts like, “I should be with my family member more, do more things for them, help them more.” Caregivers care so much that they assume they are responsible for how everything turns out. You’re not! You can’t control the illness, or how the medication works, or how the medical system works, or how anyone else around you thinks, feels, or acts. You can only be responsible for our own thoughts and actions.

Your desires to have things turn out differently, be different, or even to control everything, have to be set aside when caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease. The guilt you take on when things don’t go the way you’d like will wear you out! Most of the time, it’s the way we talk to ourselves that actually makes us feel guilty. You can determine how you talk yourself into guilt feelings by taking a deeper look into your thoughts. Thoughts which produce guilt result in statements about your personal.

Attacking your character instead of your actions is what makes you feel guilty. To end this negative cycle, find a new way to say things to yourself. Rid your mind of self-condemning statements. Remind yourself of your intent to make the days and nights go better – for the whole family. See yourself as an “assistant” to your loved one. This will help you remember that you are helping them help themselves; this will be better for them and you.

From time to time, your parent who has dementia might be sharp or demanding with their words. Try not to take these sharp words personally. It’s not what’s in your parent’s heart – it’s really just a symptom of the disease. Realize your parent is frustrated, redirect him to a more interesting activity (one you know he enjoys), and give yourself a break. Sometimes a little time and distance provides relief for the whole family. Leave the guilt behind, and live each day one meaningful moment at a time.